Africa Update

So I've had a lot of people asking about my plans for Africa, and rightly so...they changed a few times already.  A lot happened right away (meeting, application, etc.) and then there was a lot of waiting, and finally the aforementioned changing plans.  I got everything taken care of except support raising, and right when I was about to do the final edit on my letter and send it out, I got sick.


Not too sick to go to work, mind you.  Just sick enough that I had no energy afterward.  For a couple weeks I spent all my free time napping, reading, and taking long baths.  On a good day I'd read in the bath and then almost fall asleep.


This time was refreshing to my soul...a much needed break after months of attempting to plan and succeeding in worrying about said plans.  But amidst this reading, prayer, and calm that I rediscovered, I came to face something I didn't expect.  I was going to Africa for the wrong reasons.


Don't get me wrong...the work is great, and I fully support what they're doing over there.  I'm not afraid to go...I was actually pretty excited.  But something I read got to me, and I realized that I was using this trip as an opportunity to run away...to get out of the difficulties of life and escape to a nice, feel-good environment.


(Don't say anything just yet...I know that my understanding of missions work is very limited....)


But either way, I was faced with a stunning reality.  If I went for the wrong reasons, no matter how much my heart was in it, and no matter how great the work was, I would be sacrificing the integrity of the work; and that's something that doesn't sit well with me.


So what does this mean?  I truly believe that the sickness was a blessing.  It brought a lot of things to light that I wouldn't have seen had I not taken the time to slow down and breathe and listen.  I'm still excited about going to Africa...but it looks like it's not time yet.  There's an old adage that God answers prayers with "yes", "no", or "not yet."  I take this as an opportunity to hear and accept a "not yet" from Him, and I pray to do so at least a little more gracefully than I have in the past!


I don't feel too confused.  Confused, but not too much.  By all rights I was under the full impression that I was going this summer.  But I am grateful for so many things: friends that gave me recommendations, the folks from AIM that have been ever so patient through months of confusion, prayer, and discovery, and more than anything my God for inspiring hope in a room of my heart where there was none.


So for now I'm staying in town, working and being faithful to the responsibilities I have today.  I have plans for where I'd like to go next, but the beauty of plans that I'm learning to appreciate is that they change, and that's totally okay.


All glory to God...He once again has shown that He is the only one that can or will bring peace and healing into a confusing, hectic world.


Until the next update,


-Jordan